So yesterday I turned 26. Yes, the slow descent to 30 has begun. With the vast majority of au pairs being in their late teens and early 20s, I find myself firmly in the category of older au pairs. There's not much in life that you can be 'too old for' at 26, but au pairing can sometimes feel like one of them.
Take for example my French class. Whilst learning to use the comparative 'plus/ moins', my age suddenly became the topic of much discussion. When we were each saying the year of our birth the majority of the class were born around 1995 -1997. Then I announce my birthday year of 1989. This caused a huge uproar. Most of it was good natured joking, but some of the other au pairs seemed genuinely surprised. In fact the reaction I received more than any other was of sympathy. I'd like to think I am a relaxed person, and that I didn't take too many of the comments to heart, I know that 26 is not that old. However it felt odd to me that somebody would feel sorry for me for being 26.
I understand many people would like to be in more stable jobs by now, or would like to be settling down. It's a matter of personal preference and where you have planned your own life to be. Personally, those things are not high up on my list of priorities. I enjoy travel far more than I enjoy the idea of settling down in a flat I can barely afford right now. I'd rather be looking after kids than stuck in a dreary office. And I love that I am able to see a foreign country and learn a foreign language whilst still living in relative comfort. I'm not overly attached to staying in one place, and I don't need many material possessions to live. I'm happy where I am, thanks. I have my undergrad degree, two postgrad degrees, I have worked different jobs, and have travelled the world. I have done my best to make the most out of my 26 years. Please don't feel sorry for me.
The thing that I keep coming back to is would I want to be an au pair at 17-21 years old? To be honest the answer is no. Much of what the position involves - disciplining children, confronting parents about issues with confidence, effective time management, creating balanced meals - are skills I only acquired when I was in this age bracket. I gained all my self confidence, language skills, and domestic competence whilst I was at university, when I lived abroad as a student, and when I worked in customer service in retail. I am at my most confident now, I am more competent than I have ever been now, and I am at my most capable now (Though let's be clear, I am not the most confident or competent person in the world by any means). If I was au pairing for an 8 and 4 year old when I was 18, I would be a constantly panicking, clueless wreck. I would be going back to my room every night and crying. I do that sometimes now, but at least I have learned how to medicate with tea, biscuits, and Netflix.
I applaud any 18 year old who is out of home for the first time and doing their best as an au pair. You clearly are more capable than I was when I was 18. You have a great deal of my respect, and I am amazed at your sense of adventure. That being said, I feel there are some major benefits to being an older au pair, and it is not all doom and gloom for those of us who have taken up the job later in life.
1) Early nights
Here's the truth. When you get over 25, there are sometimes when you just want an early night. If I'm having a late night, it's probably because I'm binge watching a TV show, not because I'm dancing all night. Everyone likes a wild night out partying, but sometimes that bed just looks so inviting. And then there's your laptop just begging for you to watch one more episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. - hey if I watch with French dubbing it counts as language practice, right? Early nights can be the best! Let the younger au pairs freeze themselves to death waiting for a taxi in the wet streets of midwinter Paris because the metro is closed, I am toasty warm in bed and not ashamed about enjoying an evening in.
2) Enjoying going to class.
When you are not under pressure from school, learning actually becomes more fun. The motivation for language classes here is entirely different. It's not about making some grade or passing a test, its about learning to live. You are learning to communicate with other people, to navigate around a supermarket, to deal with a bank. It is much easier to learn a language when you live it, rather than from a text. Plus, when you get past the dancing and groping in a nightclub stage of life, it's nice to know that you can go out and spend your free time having genuine conversations with people.
3) Knowing if you are ready for kids.
I hate to talk about the biological clock, but here it goes. Younger au pairs are here for the travel and language opportunities and to have a good time. If you are slightly older, the question of "do I want to settle down and have children now or in the near future (or at all)" may have crossed your mind. That is perfectly normal and natural. Au pairing is actually a great way of testing yourself, as you spend so much time in loco parentis. For me it has totally clarified that I do not want kids at all right now, or even possibly in the future. I love the kids I work with, but do I want my own - no not really. Maybe that will change, but at least I can say I have a reasonable idea of my capabilities when it comes to raising a child, and use that to make any life changing decisions.
4) Not giving a s**t.
Ok, maybe that's a bit crass - but it is also true. When I was 18, I was a shy country girl from rural Britain. I was naive, and to be honest, terrified of the world. After university, living abroad, postgrad, law school, work - I am not afraid anymore. At 18, I would have been terrified to take 2 kids on the metro, I would have been terrified to go to the bank and speak French, terrified to have to deal in Spanish at the school. Now I don't give a damn - and I mean that in the best way. Now I just give it my best shot, try my hardest, and if it doesn't work out it is not the end of the world. I don't let it ruin my day. I would have been unable to do that at 18.
5) Knowing your limits and your priorities.
This ties into number 4, but goes a bit further. For example, when you are older you know that if you go out drinking all night, you will still have to deal with shouting children at 7:00 am the next morning. You can't hide in bed, because you have a job to go to. Second of all, you know where and when to make a fuss. You can let the small betises go, but know when to punish the really bad behaviour. You don't get too stressed over the parents being stuck in traffic, but have the confidence to put your foot down when their repeated lateness gets in the way of you going out and enjoying what should be your free time. In short, you have learnt to prioritise the stresses and the enjoyment in your life to the point where you can get the most out of your time as an au pair.
So there you have it. Yes I am 26, and maybe some au pairs might think me old. I don't care. I'm enjoying myself and perfectly happy with where I am. If, like me, you are finding yourself too old for 3:00 am vodka shots before waking the kids up for school, I more than happy to join you for a glass of wine and a film. If you are 19 and worried I'll turn out to be a killjoy, you don't have to invite me to your next all night rave. I will not be offended. Go enjoy yourselves. You're only young once!
But please wear a coat and text me if you'll be back after 1:00am...
 |
| I have no sarcastic comment - this was a genuinely nice cake made for me by the kids. |
Take for example my French class. Whilst learning to use the comparative 'plus/ moins', my age suddenly became the topic of much discussion. When we were each saying the year of our birth the majority of the class were born around 1995 -1997. Then I announce my birthday year of 1989. This caused a huge uproar. Most of it was good natured joking, but some of the other au pairs seemed genuinely surprised. In fact the reaction I received more than any other was of sympathy. I'd like to think I am a relaxed person, and that I didn't take too many of the comments to heart, I know that 26 is not that old. However it felt odd to me that somebody would feel sorry for me for being 26.
I understand many people would like to be in more stable jobs by now, or would like to be settling down. It's a matter of personal preference and where you have planned your own life to be. Personally, those things are not high up on my list of priorities. I enjoy travel far more than I enjoy the idea of settling down in a flat I can barely afford right now. I'd rather be looking after kids than stuck in a dreary office. And I love that I am able to see a foreign country and learn a foreign language whilst still living in relative comfort. I'm not overly attached to staying in one place, and I don't need many material possessions to live. I'm happy where I am, thanks. I have my undergrad degree, two postgrad degrees, I have worked different jobs, and have travelled the world. I have done my best to make the most out of my 26 years. Please don't feel sorry for me.
The thing that I keep coming back to is would I want to be an au pair at 17-21 years old? To be honest the answer is no. Much of what the position involves - disciplining children, confronting parents about issues with confidence, effective time management, creating balanced meals - are skills I only acquired when I was in this age bracket. I gained all my self confidence, language skills, and domestic competence whilst I was at university, when I lived abroad as a student, and when I worked in customer service in retail. I am at my most confident now, I am more competent than I have ever been now, and I am at my most capable now (Though let's be clear, I am not the most confident or competent person in the world by any means). If I was au pairing for an 8 and 4 year old when I was 18, I would be a constantly panicking, clueless wreck. I would be going back to my room every night and crying. I do that sometimes now, but at least I have learned how to medicate with tea, biscuits, and Netflix.
 |
| As ever - this blog is brought to you by Netflix It's the only thing keeping me sane. |
I applaud any 18 year old who is out of home for the first time and doing their best as an au pair. You clearly are more capable than I was when I was 18. You have a great deal of my respect, and I am amazed at your sense of adventure. That being said, I feel there are some major benefits to being an older au pair, and it is not all doom and gloom for those of us who have taken up the job later in life.
1) Early nights
Here's the truth. When you get over 25, there are sometimes when you just want an early night. If I'm having a late night, it's probably because I'm binge watching a TV show, not because I'm dancing all night. Everyone likes a wild night out partying, but sometimes that bed just looks so inviting. And then there's your laptop just begging for you to watch one more episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. - hey if I watch with French dubbing it counts as language practice, right? Early nights can be the best! Let the younger au pairs freeze themselves to death waiting for a taxi in the wet streets of midwinter Paris because the metro is closed, I am toasty warm in bed and not ashamed about enjoying an evening in.
2) Enjoying going to class.
When you are not under pressure from school, learning actually becomes more fun. The motivation for language classes here is entirely different. It's not about making some grade or passing a test, its about learning to live. You are learning to communicate with other people, to navigate around a supermarket, to deal with a bank. It is much easier to learn a language when you live it, rather than from a text. Plus, when you get past the dancing and groping in a nightclub stage of life, it's nice to know that you can go out and spend your free time having genuine conversations with people.
3) Knowing if you are ready for kids.
I hate to talk about the biological clock, but here it goes. Younger au pairs are here for the travel and language opportunities and to have a good time. If you are slightly older, the question of "do I want to settle down and have children now or in the near future (or at all)" may have crossed your mind. That is perfectly normal and natural. Au pairing is actually a great way of testing yourself, as you spend so much time in loco parentis. For me it has totally clarified that I do not want kids at all right now, or even possibly in the future. I love the kids I work with, but do I want my own - no not really. Maybe that will change, but at least I can say I have a reasonable idea of my capabilities when it comes to raising a child, and use that to make any life changing decisions.
4) Not giving a s**t.
Ok, maybe that's a bit crass - but it is also true. When I was 18, I was a shy country girl from rural Britain. I was naive, and to be honest, terrified of the world. After university, living abroad, postgrad, law school, work - I am not afraid anymore. At 18, I would have been terrified to take 2 kids on the metro, I would have been terrified to go to the bank and speak French, terrified to have to deal in Spanish at the school. Now I don't give a damn - and I mean that in the best way. Now I just give it my best shot, try my hardest, and if it doesn't work out it is not the end of the world. I don't let it ruin my day. I would have been unable to do that at 18.
5) Knowing your limits and your priorities.
This ties into number 4, but goes a bit further. For example, when you are older you know that if you go out drinking all night, you will still have to deal with shouting children at 7:00 am the next morning. You can't hide in bed, because you have a job to go to. Second of all, you know where and when to make a fuss. You can let the small betises go, but know when to punish the really bad behaviour. You don't get too stressed over the parents being stuck in traffic, but have the confidence to put your foot down when their repeated lateness gets in the way of you going out and enjoying what should be your free time. In short, you have learnt to prioritise the stresses and the enjoyment in your life to the point where you can get the most out of your time as an au pair.
So there you have it. Yes I am 26, and maybe some au pairs might think me old. I don't care. I'm enjoying myself and perfectly happy with where I am. If, like me, you are finding yourself too old for 3:00 am vodka shots before waking the kids up for school, I more than happy to join you for a glass of wine and a film. If you are 19 and worried I'll turn out to be a killjoy, you don't have to invite me to your next all night rave. I will not be offended. Go enjoy yourselves. You're only young once!
But please wear a coat and text me if you'll be back after 1:00am...
6 comments:
what a bad post. you are not very mature for your age. i feel sorry for you that you were not confident and all with 18, but how can you say that about everyone? it feels like you need to show that you are great and good and everything and like you havent reallys got out the shy 18 yeras old country girl you were until yet.
Hi anonymous. Thanks for being my first ever negative comment on here. I think you have misunderstood the tone of the piece. It is very much a piece from personal experience and by no means attempts to insinuate that younger au pairs are anything less than I am, only that they have a very different experience to mine. If anything, I am trying to be self-deprecating about the fact that once you advance beyond a certain age, you start to enjoy those things that many younger people would find tedious and onerous. I am doing my best to embrace my old age. I by no means believe that I am great and good, but please believe me when I say that I have had many life experiences since leaving home that are profoundly changing, and that I am by no means a naive and shy country girl anymore. If you could perhaps elaborate on my which specific aspects of my style and humour are least conducive to conveying this attitude I would be very grateful.
Sincerely, Emily.
Dear Emily, I think this is an excellent post. Personally, I can always relate to what you're writing about, you have such a great style, I love reading your blog. This post is definitely not offensive to anyone, however, your comment, dear anonymous, is offensive, you might need to read it again for a better understanding. I don't even want to say anything about leaving a negative comment without a name at least.
Can't wait to read the next post.
Anna
Hello Emily,
I'm absolutely enamoured with Paris and perhaps (definitely) idealise the whole au pair life a smidgen too much - your blog is absolutely marvellous, keep writing. As for the negative comment, I wouldn't dwell on it.
Oh also, happy belated birthday!
Hi Emily
I came across your blog as I will also be a 26 year old au pair in Paris. However, I haven't had experience of it yet (I start in September) and I'm completely freaking out that I'm too old. It's great that you don't think it's too old, but does your opinion change for 26 being a starting age (not that I want to do it for more than a year)? I guess I'm just desperately seeking approval/encouragement that I can do this when really, like you, I don't give a shit and am going to do it anyway!
I really liked the post, thanks.
Sarah
Post a Comment