So by now most of you have been au pairs for at least 1 month. You dealt with La Rentrée and you've finally sussed out what the kids like and do not like to eat. You've got your Navigo, and you've finally mastered enough french to get what you need. You have perfected the Parisian street style (black trainers, dark jeans, trench coat, scarf) and can walk with enough speed and confidence for people to believe you're local, or at least not try to drag you into their restaurant. You think you have it sussed. But now you are halfway through the first set of holidays, you have been working a 60 hour week entertaining the children while the parents are at work, and you've definitely caught some kind of illness from one of the kids. You are ready to scream. What has happened? Get ready for the rant...
Well first of all, in a country where many workers are limited to a 35 hour week, you have gone well above your contract hours this week. You are probably exhausted. Have you been sleeping well? Probably not. If not because you are an adult and a 21:00 bedtime seems ridiculous, then the stress alone is probably keeping you up. Let's face it, despite what many families say on their profiles at the agency or on the website, nobody's kids are perfect. The holidays are the perfect crucible of long hours, autumn colds, and lack of entertainment to bring out the worst in every child. Constant screaming, demanding, and entertaining can really exhaust you.
I don't know what you've been doing this holiday, but I have done hours of arts & crafts, we've been to Jardins d'Acclimitation, the Muséum national d'Histoire naturelle, activities at Palais de Tokyo Art Gallery. I have spent hours dragging the kids around on the Metro whilst they cry and tease each other. We've had colds and stomach bugs, shouting fits, and a total refusal to do homework (which as they go to a Spanish school, not French, is really testing my language limits). By Friday evening I was ready to cry with frustration.
I wonder if the levels of frustration increase with age. For example, I am not a young au pair. I am 25, I have 2 postgraduate qualifications and have spent almost 7 years living by myself, away from a family home. I am used to being independent and taking care of myself. Returning to a family environment is quite a shock. I've gone from glasses of wine and Netflix marathons with housemates, to compote and cartoons with kids. Grown ups living together respect that someone may want a lie in on a weekend, children get up at 8:00 am on the weekends and want to play, or at least have someone make porridge. When you stub your toe in your own house, you can swear as much as you like, now you are confined to biting your lip and trying not to say anything in any language the kids may pick up. You can't set your own timetable and you can't even cook for yourself because everything has to be something the kids, if not the entire family, will like.
Here's an example. This Friday I was ill. Really ill. I had a fever of 38.9 degrees celsius, my head was pounding, and I couldn't eat because my stomach hurt so badly. Any normal 25 year old in my position would have called in sick to work and spent the day in bed. I live where I work, so I got up 5 minutes after the dad left for work, and realised I was ill. However, by this point the eldest child was already up and demanding breakfast. The youngest proceeded to remain asleep for another 3 hours, during which time the 8 year old demanded constant entertainment and diversion quiet enough not to wake her brother. This left no time for me to take a shower, or even fetch a paracetamol. Then the 4 year old awoke, and the process began again. Afterwards I had to put on the Halloween Party/Dia de Los Muertos fiesta (part of their holiday project from the Spanish language school) that I had promised, so an entire day of arts, crafts, and cooking followed. The mum arrived home at 18:00, and I went straight to bed. It wasn't exactly restful, as a whole evening of screaming and betises followed, which I could hear through my door as it comes off the sitting room. Repeat this scenario as I lie in bed on Saturday morning. I would have given my left arm to be in a hotel, or even back in my student residences.
The holidays also put a stop to any semblance of independence. There are no language classes to meet people your own age, or to provide any mental stimulation. You really start to miss the opportunity to pop out for a quick coffee and a chat. You can't even pop out to the supermarché by yourself, so even picking up some more milk becomes a fight because the mum did not leave enough money for milk and some of those chocolate puddings that you want - so put them back, or so help me...
This has made me so envious of any au pairs who 'live out' - able to go out and come back when you want. Totally separate from the kids. Even if I get lovely meals with the family, I would love a bit of privacy. And the opportunity to have a glass of wine and watch a film by myself.
And that is the last point. Money. I don't know how much everyone is earning, but I earn 75€ per week, flat rate. When you have your bed and food provided by the family that sounds like a lot of money. But Paris is expensive, and even going out once a week for a nice meal, or for a museum and lunch, cost quite a lot of money. Let alone the fact that I really need some new t-shirts and have my mum's birthday coming up. I also have to pay my own phone bill. It can feel really limiting. Particularly when after I turn 26, I won't be able to get any of the free entries for students. Perhaps it's just me, but this drives me insane.
Look, nobody said being an au pair would be easy, but nobody described just how stressful it can get. I'm so sorry for the rant, but I would like to know if any of you experiencing this frustration? How do you cope with the expense? Are you coping with the holiday stress and do you have an opportunity to get away from it?
Bonne chance for week 2 of the holidays!
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| This week I am feeling a lot of sympathy with the horses on the carrousel at the Jardins d'Acclimitation - going round and round in circles. |
Well first of all, in a country where many workers are limited to a 35 hour week, you have gone well above your contract hours this week. You are probably exhausted. Have you been sleeping well? Probably not. If not because you are an adult and a 21:00 bedtime seems ridiculous, then the stress alone is probably keeping you up. Let's face it, despite what many families say on their profiles at the agency or on the website, nobody's kids are perfect. The holidays are the perfect crucible of long hours, autumn colds, and lack of entertainment to bring out the worst in every child. Constant screaming, demanding, and entertaining can really exhaust you.
I don't know what you've been doing this holiday, but I have done hours of arts & crafts, we've been to Jardins d'Acclimitation, the Muséum national d'Histoire naturelle, activities at Palais de Tokyo Art Gallery. I have spent hours dragging the kids around on the Metro whilst they cry and tease each other. We've had colds and stomach bugs, shouting fits, and a total refusal to do homework (which as they go to a Spanish school, not French, is really testing my language limits). By Friday evening I was ready to cry with frustration.
I wonder if the levels of frustration increase with age. For example, I am not a young au pair. I am 25, I have 2 postgraduate qualifications and have spent almost 7 years living by myself, away from a family home. I am used to being independent and taking care of myself. Returning to a family environment is quite a shock. I've gone from glasses of wine and Netflix marathons with housemates, to compote and cartoons with kids. Grown ups living together respect that someone may want a lie in on a weekend, children get up at 8:00 am on the weekends and want to play, or at least have someone make porridge. When you stub your toe in your own house, you can swear as much as you like, now you are confined to biting your lip and trying not to say anything in any language the kids may pick up. You can't set your own timetable and you can't even cook for yourself because everything has to be something the kids, if not the entire family, will like.
Here's an example. This Friday I was ill. Really ill. I had a fever of 38.9 degrees celsius, my head was pounding, and I couldn't eat because my stomach hurt so badly. Any normal 25 year old in my position would have called in sick to work and spent the day in bed. I live where I work, so I got up 5 minutes after the dad left for work, and realised I was ill. However, by this point the eldest child was already up and demanding breakfast. The youngest proceeded to remain asleep for another 3 hours, during which time the 8 year old demanded constant entertainment and diversion quiet enough not to wake her brother. This left no time for me to take a shower, or even fetch a paracetamol. Then the 4 year old awoke, and the process began again. Afterwards I had to put on the Halloween Party/Dia de Los Muertos fiesta (part of their holiday project from the Spanish language school) that I had promised, so an entire day of arts, crafts, and cooking followed. The mum arrived home at 18:00, and I went straight to bed. It wasn't exactly restful, as a whole evening of screaming and betises followed, which I could hear through my door as it comes off the sitting room. Repeat this scenario as I lie in bed on Saturday morning. I would have given my left arm to be in a hotel, or even back in my student residences.
The holidays also put a stop to any semblance of independence. There are no language classes to meet people your own age, or to provide any mental stimulation. You really start to miss the opportunity to pop out for a quick coffee and a chat. You can't even pop out to the supermarché by yourself, so even picking up some more milk becomes a fight because the mum did not leave enough money for milk and some of those chocolate puddings that you want - so put them back, or so help me...
This has made me so envious of any au pairs who 'live out' - able to go out and come back when you want. Totally separate from the kids. Even if I get lovely meals with the family, I would love a bit of privacy. And the opportunity to have a glass of wine and watch a film by myself.
And that is the last point. Money. I don't know how much everyone is earning, but I earn 75€ per week, flat rate. When you have your bed and food provided by the family that sounds like a lot of money. But Paris is expensive, and even going out once a week for a nice meal, or for a museum and lunch, cost quite a lot of money. Let alone the fact that I really need some new t-shirts and have my mum's birthday coming up. I also have to pay my own phone bill. It can feel really limiting. Particularly when after I turn 26, I won't be able to get any of the free entries for students. Perhaps it's just me, but this drives me insane.
Look, nobody said being an au pair would be easy, but nobody described just how stressful it can get. I'm so sorry for the rant, but I would like to know if any of you experiencing this frustration? How do you cope with the expense? Are you coping with the holiday stress and do you have an opportunity to get away from it?
Bonne chance for week 2 of the holidays!
1 comment:
Oh yes, I really miss the independence as well! I'm 21 and never lived on my own, but used to come and go as I liked, sometimes cooked by myself and lived without noicy children. I didn't think it would be THIS hard to adapt to the life in a family with children. However, it's better now than in the beginning :)
But your pay is actually a bit low. The minimum pay for an au pair is 80 euros a week, regardless of how many hours you work, or where you live, and the au pairs who lives by themselves should get a food sholarship as well. So I see how you think 75 euros is very little, because is is.
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